Life Unresolved

LIfe is filled with things that are unfinished and uncontrollable.  

I don’t like that.  I’m a finisher.  I’m a fixer.  

Lately I’ve been waking up with the same sort of heaviness over my soul that I remember feeling for the first time when my dad was dying of cancer and I was a young woman.  Before my brain could even think about what was going on in my life or in the day ahead, my heart and soul told me that all was not well.  I had to learn how to surrender that sorrow to the Lord every morning so that I could get out of bed and face my day in college.  It felt impossible sometimes but I learned the discipline of surrender at that time like never before.  I had to keep going to class and I wanted and needed to continue to LIVE even in the midst of my father’s slow and painful death.  My heart often didn’t know how to process the joy of being in the spring of my life when my father was facing the winter season of his own.  I felt emotionally conflicted every single day.

Lately because of the literal weight of the world right now, I feel the same pain.  I long for the time before the world changed when everything wasn’t so heavy, confusing, and complicated.  I want to not have the constant weight of making health decisions for my family, wondering if my children will be allowed to grow up in a country where they are free, and grave concerns about the growing economic crisis our country faces.  And…..a thousand other things. Personal things.  Things my friends and family are facing.  Things my church is wading through.

The Lord highlighted this scripture for me this week and it has equipped me to face my days.

“Return to your rest, my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.” (Psalm 116:7)

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Sometimes I can’t quite get my spirit to immediately embrace, “This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.”  That feels like too much to ask first thing right now.  However, I’m learning that I can focus my heart on the truth that the Lord has absolutely been good to me in my life.  I can focus on the truth that He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.  I can remind myself that “the Lord is gracious and righteous…our God is compassionate…and He guards the inexperienced.” (Psalm 116)

I haven’t passed through this part of history before (I’m “inexperienced”).  No one has.  It feels heavy and honestly impossible sometimes, as I can see how the enemy is using circumstances to manipulate people into being deceived, discouraged, and divided. I can rest in knowing that my gracious, righteous, compassionate Father is guarding me through my days as I look to Him.  

I have to pull the “NOT today, Satan” card out and recognize where many of the attacks are coming from.   I have to reset my focus on the ONE who reigns victorious every minute of every day for every single generation…..even when things don’t appear as I would hope they would.  

Sometimes my struggle is laying it all down at night so that I can fall asleep.  Surrendering my personal pain and worry about things in my own life, as well as handing back the worries of the world to Him as I somehow manage pick them all back up throughout my day, is a choice I’m consciously making.  Other times, it’s that weight first thing in the morning I have to wade through.  My husband needs me to walk in victory.  My children need to see peace reigning in my life.  My friends and other people I encounter need to see the joy of Christ.  I don’t want to live with a soul that is continually downcast.  That is not living!  I’m fighting for joy, hope, and peace!

My recipe lately has been so simple:  

“Return to your rest, my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.”

It takes me ‘taking my thoughts captive and making them obedient to Christ,” but through prayer, I’m finding victory one step at a time! (2 Cor. 10:5). I have to spend some time dwelling on His faithfulness!

Father, you are so faithful!  You have brought me through losing my father, infertility, failed adoptions, conflict with others, financial burdens, illnesses, wayward children, caring for my mother as she battled dementia, and on and on and on. Is there anything too hard for the Lord? (Gen 18:14). No, my soul, there is not.  Return to your rest. ❤️🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻. 

Your Father is mighty to save!  I’m praying for you, my sisters.

(I’m offering a retreat in my home or via zoom this Saturday 9/25/2021. If I can encourage you, please join me.☺️. Details on the blog side bar)